Hard Days...

Some days are just harder than others...and that sometimes leads to a cluster of hard days and worse still sometimes hard weeks. This was one of those weekends for me -- although it has been a little while since I had a good cry so I suppose I was do.

It started out 'hunky-dory.' I mean does any long-weekend ever start out hard? Although there are tricklings of things I am afraid Michael will never be able to fully experience for some reason this weekend felt like an overwhelming amount of worries about what he will need to overcome and how that may or may not impact all the joys life has to offer for him. 

I try my best to stay on the postive side of this diagnosis but, with his third birthday coming up fast and his impending preschool start date in less than 6 weeks (I am not sure I am ready to let him go to school - regardless of whether or not he is ready). The combination of both these dates it is too much of a realization that I can't just 'freeze' him right here. I wish I could for so many reasons - right now he doesn't realize things are different for him, and that is something I want to hold onto for as long as I can.

For exampleake his delayed communication (or lack of communication). There are so many times he looks at you with such purpose and tells you just how it is hands and all!!! Other than the few exceptions when I can't figure out what he is asking for, I am pretty confident he thinks he has full fledged conversations with us daily. I don't know that I ever want him to realize that this is not exactly the case

Or how about the 15-20 hours a week spent doing therapy. Tasks that come all to easy to his sister who is spouting off new words weekly if not daily is taking him weeks/months to try to accomplish --- and her vocabulary is well surpassing his at this point. That of course might be adding to the 'tough' piece of this whole diagnosis as well. As much as I truly enjoy watching Gabby grow and develop - she is just amazing!!! - with each new accomplishment it only highlights where we are still trying to achieve the same milestones with Michael. I know, I know all children develop at different rates and even without this diagnosis it is highly unlikely they would track through lifes events exactly the same ...but it is still somewhat disheartening to watch.

On-top of the 'ignorance is bliss' environment I would like to maintain for Michael forever - the world outside of his immediate surrondings is not always nice -- and I would love to keep him here forever sheltered from the at times 'unnice' world.