Today we went for a visit to a school specifically for children with autism. It took everything in me to not break down in tears several times. I fortunately held it together for the tour. Today was another tough realization that ‘autism’ is something that is not within my control. It is also not something (although I wish it was) that I can fix. Although, I know there are millions of parents out there that are faced with greater adversity adjusting to the fact that my child has challenges in front of him that I can’t just solve for him is a difficult realization and something I am still struggling with accepting.
He is such a happy, fun loving child it was tough to look at the children today and realize that he won’t keep pace with his peers -- and that, that gap will only continue to grow as he gets older. It is double upsetting that he won’t have 100% control over what he achieves or accomplishes in his life. That he will be there with his diagnosis dealing with it every day for the rest of his life. There is part of me that still hopes when we go back to test his ears in a couple months we will learn that this is all just a big mistake (sadly my brain knows that this won’t be the case).
It is tough as a parent to know that there is a barrier (hill to climb, challenge, etc.) that I cannot just move out of his way.
Ok – that is enough of the pity party for today. Some days are good and others are harder. Chalk today up to a hard day.
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